I don't think I know anything about love. I may somewhat have become a pessimist.
Everytime i feel it, its' gone, it disappears, and all that i have left is the void of what it would have been.
So now maybe I'm afraid to love, afraid that the little flutter in my heart is a potential heartbreak.
I know that nothing in life is certain, but I'm afraid.
Afraid to make the first move. Afraid to take a chance to what may or may not be.
Afraid that what ever baggage that I bring along with me will be too heavy for the other person and i'll just end up being alone
and if that is so wouldn't being alone in the first place be better then ever getting hurt or hurting somebody?

Sometimes I think i'm just in love with the idea of being in love. Sometimes I wonder how wonderful it would be to be in love. But I've always been unlucky in finding love. I'm turning 25 and have yet to fall in love, to experience what that really feels like. But I'm my own worst enemy. When there is any hint of possibilites i push it away, i deny and pretend that i have no feelings whatsoever. Then I'll go home and mull over it, wallow in regret and then I think of all the things why someone could never really love me and the things that I can't offer so I let everything slide, smile and pretend that everything is as it should be.

Sometimes I wish there was someone out there who can show me how wrong I am, someone who wouldn't care that i'm not perfect and who would accept my imperfections, someone who is not afraid to come up to me just to say "hello" instead of thinking how tall and initmidating i look.  Maybe i'm asking for too much. Working on divorce cases at work on a weekly basis sure does not help things aye? haha. Sometimes I do want to believe that there is really someone out there for everyone but is there really one out there for me?

But I do have friends who give me hope. I look at Tania & DS, their relationship, how they give and take, how they have grown stronger as a couple through their ups and downs. Then there's Aida & Wan. all the obstacles they went through in their relationship, proving all those who didn't believe in their relationship wrong, and now married, spending their life together in 'holy matrimony'.

So maybe i shall be a little bit more optimistic, and maybe I shouldn't dwell on such stupidity like love. If its meant to be its meant to be right? I believe in fate and that things happen for a reason and on its own time, i guess I should have a little more faith. Haiz all this talk about love, i swear I think i'm getting old. Holding babies doesn't help either since I can't have one of my own. Now that is another topic altogether LOL!

Moving along, the weekend has been exhausting. I've never been involved in two full days of malay wedding activities. It was definintely an eye opener. Ok i teared up abit during the wedding which i never did expect to. Its kinda bittersweet to see your best friend getting married. I'm so happy for the newlyweds, darling Aida and Wan. I wish both of them the all the love & happiness in the world and the v.best in their future endeavors as a couple and as seperate individuals.

Oh one more thing i learn from this wedding, I will never have mine (If i do ever get married in the far farr future) at the void deck. The heat and humidity! Which brings me to a whole big argument about the sense of having a void deck wedding but then that is a whole different topic altogether which i'm sure will elongate this entry and bore you further ahahaha.

Anyhoo back to the wedding, I have yet to upload all the photos i took during the 2 days but here's a preview :)