Its mid week already! Can you believe it? Time flies by so fast these days.

Work has been so far so good.  I'm learning a lot and doing work for various cases under different areas of law. I hate to say this or maybe i'm saying this too early but I am somehow or rather enjoying what I do.  I'll let you know again if I feel the same way after a month LOL

I had two different hospital appointments yesterday and had 4 hours to kill in between. Totally spacedout that naz might have classes on that day, but thank god for facebook! She texted me and since both of us had time to kill, me between appointments and she between classes, I went over to NUS Business School to look for her and grab some lunch.  Well I found myself at Biz 2 and had to climb the flight of stairs which was facing the bus stop and daym that almost killed me.  Goes to show how unfit I am.  I reckon you can get two days worth of exercise just climbing stairs in the school, to think I actually complained on having to climb the staircase at ITE East (Bishan) campus and the occasional time when one is late for classes in TP and there is no point waiting for the lift haha

American Idol performance today!
Country week, not exactly my favourite theme on idol but I think most of the contestants did okay.
And I have to say this, Anoop is back baby!  One of my favourite performances this week.  And well the most amusing performance was Adam's. I'm sure most people went (o-O)" during his performance LOL!

My picks for this week:
Top 3 - Anoop, Matt, Allison
Bottom 3 - Micheal, Kris, Alexis/Adam ( i couldn't decide LOL)

well alritey then i should sign off now, my sis is already grumbling that she wants to use her laptop LOL
ah well i need to go to sleep anyways (^-^)v
till my next update, oyasumi!

hi loves

I'm finally back home. Been back home since Friday afternoon (Halloween). My doctor says the most amusing things sometimes. On that Friday morning this was what he said, " Azi.zah today your love affair with the hospital will come to an end." lol. I think he knows how much i was dying to go home lol. Staying in the hospital for over a month is very mind numbing, but on a positive note i did make friends with the nurses and student nurses there lol.

I'm back on the PICC line. So very nostalgic *bleah" This time i'll be on it for four weeks. However eversince i've been home i've been feeling nauseous. Feeling that way every second, every single day is so not amusing. The OPAT nurses told me yesterday that the level of antibiotics in my blood might be too high so that might be the reason i am feeling nauseous. Got a call from them this morning to stop my dosage for today. I hope the docs will amend my dosage when i come down for my appointment tomorrow. The constant feeling of nauseousness is not exactly fun. I want to get better dammit and not weak 90% of the time lol :P

Speaking of which i'm still on the wheelchair when i go for my appointments. Well the hospital wheelchair that is. I get easily tired if i walk too much. There goes my idea of being independent and going for my appointments on my own and not bothering my mum or siblings. Hopefully i'll get stronger soon. I so don't like feeling handicapped tsk. Oh and with my constant nausea i constantly need a plastic bag with me just in case i do actually vomit which usually happens after a long ride in the cab. You know how sometimes cabs has a certain funky smell? Well that together with a little motion sickness and my nausea is equals to one sick azi with a plastic bag bleah :P

I thought this was going to be easy. Get the surgery over and done with and then get better. Just like all my other previous surgeries. But NOOOOOOOOOOO, God had other plans for me. First the pneumothorax a few days after surgery in the ICU, then the infection in my other heart valve, High fever, non stop shivering, at one point of time i was even afraid to fall asleep because i was afraid that i'd wake up in pain. Now more tests to follow to see if the infection has cleared.  There were moments when i was in the hospital that i thought i was going into depression.  I wanted to cry but i was afraid that other patients might see. Well i almost did crack, scared one of my doctors for a bit lol which was when i decided to pull it in. Anyways crying was never going to help me recover faster, so i had to push my negative thoughts aside.  But sometimes i wonder if I had done anything disastorously wrong to deserve all this.  Is this my punishment?  Being sick for almost half a year sometimes takes a toll on you.  But i guess i need to think positive.  Take this as a challange, obstacles that will only make me stronger. I hope.  There are others out there who are suffering more than me, so i should be thankful that so far i'm able to handle my situation.

Enough about me rambling about me being sick.  My darling friends came over to my house during the weekend.  Thank you for coming lovelies, you guys totally made my day for just being there. (:
I missed a friend's wedding on Sunday. Was so looking forward to it, too bad about the date.  But i wish the couple well.  They have been together like forever lol. 

Did i mention that i lost weight? I lost 6kg in two weeks after surgery haiz.   Do you know how hard it will be to gain back all that weight?!?!?  Oh and the irritating bit was my cravings for various food when i was in the hospital. omg that was frustrating. lol.  Nowadays strong smelling food makes me want to puke and some food still taste all wierd. haiyo. I swear when i get better i'm so going to go on an eating spree wahahahaha.  People go for a shopping spree i go for an eating spree, yes i am wierd like that lol.  I am so craving for sushi right now lol.

alritey then i need to catch up on my Friends page.  I need to update myself on one month worth of news/updates and jap shows/anime!!! lol
till then (:

Day 17
Howdy folks. In case you're wondering i'm still in Hospital but i'm able to post this thanks to Naz's BillieJean. lol.
So far things are going okay.  I still hurt in places i never thought would hurt and yea this is kinda taking longer than expected.  The surgery went as smoothly as it could, had some lung complications a few days after and now i have an infection in my blood.  Very dejavu. but oh well no use in complaining.  I'm tired but i'm pushing any negative thoughts back so that i can get better.

Mornings are my worst time of the day, i'd wake up aching all over and also because i have yet to get any peaceful sleep. bleah.
But my condition is improving which is good and i'm kinda getting used to the Hospital already i guess lol.  I just need to get my hands on more reading material since i kinda finished reading all the books my mum had brought over for me :P

alritey should make use the rest of the time i have online to clear my emails lol.
till then darlings (:

I am exhausted.
Hospital appointments tend to drain the life out of me and yesterday was no exception.

It all started out with the pain i had on the corner of my eye.  At i first i thought it was stress induced so I ignored the pain.  A few weeks later, the pain was still there and it was starting to get irritating.  It certainly didn't help matters that the eye that was hurting was my right eye, the eye which I had surgery on 7 years earlier.   So last Friday the irritation was already bugging me, mentioned to Naz about it and she told me I should go see the doctor if i was really concerned about it.  Met Dee on Sat, by then i was starting to get annoyed with the pain, asked Dee to take a look at my eye as I was looking down since i can't see anything on the mirror, and she told me there was a pimple like thing on my eye.  Yes my eye NOT my eye lid.
okay yikes.  I was disturbed but didn't say anything much about it.  When I got home I asked my sis to double confirm what Dee saw and she said there was something on my eye.  Okay since it was the weekend and all, i couldn't really go anywhere, so I stayed at home and googled on my condition.  There were so many diagnosis on it I was so not sure which one is the one i was experiencing  Monday morning came and my eyes was starting to throb with the pain.  I panicked a little but remained calmed.  So i decided to go to the polycinic to have it checked. 

So the polyclinic doctor said i must have had it for quite some time and never realised it.  And she said not to worry since the cyst is nothing to worry about. wtf.  Did she call it a cyst? and not to worry?
So she asked if i want to be referred to the Hospital i had my surgery at to get a peace of mind.  er hello? of course i want to get referred.  Your diagnosis was not something i would feel calm about.

So my hospital appointment was yesterday.
And guess what that 'cyst' was.
It was a suture from my previous eye surgery that was poking out of my eye.
Imagine if i had taken that polyclinic doctor's advice and left it alone??????

So the eye doctor did a procedure to remove the suture from my eye.   And boy did it hurt like a SOB.  The right side of my head was ringing in pain and i felt nauseous.  The best part of everything, I was alone by myself with no one to hold on to.
I know this is sidetracking, but moments like this is when i wish i had someone to actually lean on. But oh well, one has to get over such things and be strong right? lol.

So after that procedure, hung around a couple more hours for tests and the routine eye drops so that the doctor can examine both eyes better.  Even after taking my suture out, i was told there was a risk of infection since the bacteria from the suture might still be in my eye.  So I'm being put on antibiotics for a week and would have to come back to see him next week.

Oh and that is not all.  I was told that since my eye surgery, they have always been afraid of nerve damage.  They need to do more tests on my eye so i'll have to come back for another additional appointment next week for further tests.  They need to keep a close eye on my case cause if I do get nerve damage, nothing can be done and I can go blind but if they can catch it early they can help to stop it from further damage.

ok hearing this on my own is so not good for the heart.
I may have just nodded and gave a weak smile to the doctor but inside I was terrified.
Lets just say i was having a conversation with myself.

'nerve damage, wtf'
'why the hell didn't you tell me this earlier??????????'
'omg i'm going to go blind???'
'one more thing to add to a fracture in my spine, nerve eye damage, yay.'

I have not told anyone yet.  Not even my mother.
What do I say?

so now what?

Appointments on Wed and Fri.
I am going to have so much FUN.
not.


I miss my friends.